Good neighbours

Being part of a livery yard can make life with your horse more exciting and enjoyable because you’re in the company of like-minded people who you can ride with, talk to and form friendships with. However, it can also become a place where personalities sometimes clash. 

Of course, the yard should be your place to relax, somewhere to forget about the outside world and enjoy quality time with your horse, but it’s safe to say that navigating yard politics can be stressful, time consuming and, occasionally, it can even take the fun out of your hobby. 

Is there that one livery you try to avoid because they make you feel down, annoyed, or frustrated? Luckily, we know how you feel. To help you handle your yard relationships more easily, we’ve come up with a list of the types of people you might encounter there and how to deal with them in a polite yet effective manner to restore harmony. 

Top tip

No matter how argumentative or annoying someone may seem, always try to be kind. You don’t know what someone’s going through behind closed doors, and they might appreciate having someone they can talk to.

The self-proclaimed expert

Every yard has one – that person who thinks they know better or more than everybody else. Whatever you do or say, they have an opinion and will give it, even when not asked for it. No matter what, this person has to show off their knowledge as if they’re a contestant on Mastermind, yet all the time oblivious to the fact that their input is unwanted.

 How to deal with it: 

The first thing to remember is that it’s likely this person means no harm. In fact, it’s usually quite the opposite and they’re simply trying to be helpful – and, don’t forget, you never know when you might need their assistance. 

With this in mind, instead of quietly simmering while this person offloads their latest findings on, for instance, why your horse needs a heavier rug, calmly explain that you’re grateful for the tips but would like to do your own thing today. Be polite yet assertive to get your point across, but without hurting their feelings, and thank them for their advice. After all, there’s no need to become cross, even if their input seems patronising. To prepare yourself in advance, try to keep a calm, diplomatic one-liner up your sleeve for whenever the need arises. 

The tittle-tattler

Then there’s yard gossip. It’s always lurking and it’s almost unavoidable to hear it, but it’s how you decide to respond to it that counts. Opinions often run high at yards because everyone is so passionate about their animals, but there are often one or two people in particular who enjoy stirring the pot. 

 How to deal with it: 

Sometimes, being gossiped to can be as challenging as being gossiped about. What do you do when someone starts to turn the conversation into a whirlwind of “they did this” and “did you hear about that…?” It’s always best not to be sucked into this kind of chat, even though it can be flattering to be chosen as someone’s confidante. Remember, the saying rings true that if a person is gossiping to you, then they’re just as likely to be gossiping about you as well. 

The best thing to do in this situation is to give vague, one-word replies to provide an opportunity to chat but no ammunition that could get back to the person being gossiped about. Try to change the subject to one you feel more comfortable with. The tittle-tattler should soon get the hint that you don’t wish to further your conversation.

Top tip

If you hear there’s a piece of gossip being spread about you, instead of confronting the person responsible head on, it’s better to bring it to the attention of your yard manager as a way of avoiding any unnecessary personal conflict. 

The negative Nelly

We all want to be the best rider and equine care giver we can be, so when someone criticises what we’re doing, it can feel like a huge blow to our self-esteem. Negative Nelly will say exactly what she thinks and she isn’t very good at sugar-coating it, either. In truth, these types of people are often insecure in their own lives and they subconsciously try to bring down others with unkind comments and general negativity. 

 How to deal with it: 

You’re never going to be able to control what others say or think about you, so don’t try to do so. In fact, the most effective thing you can do is work on building your own self-confidence, which is something you can control. It’s not always easy to do but try not to take any criticism to heart and learn to trust your own instincts and judgement so that any negative comments roll over you. 

As long as those people whose opinions you value – such as your instructor, vet, yard manager or other equine professional – believe you’re doing right by your horse, then that’s all that matters. Try to reduce the power of negative comments by disengaging from them, while remaining as polite as you can towards the person saying them.  

Although it may be tempting to confront someone who has tried to make you feel small, in an environment such as a yard, where people see each other all the time, creating a tense atmosphere will only make the situation worse for all concerned and could lead to other liveries ‘taking sides’. 

Resist starting a fight, and if you feel something needs to be done, voice your concerns to your yard manager. 

Top tip

Stay positive and focus on the good things about the yard, even when others around you are thinking negatively, complaining or moaning. Remember, you choose to be there and being with your horse should be a happy, enjoyable time. 

The alternative thinker 

Everyone has their own way of doing things, but this person has completely different ideas from yours on how best to look after a horse. It seems as though everything they do is contrary to your approach, and it’s sometimes hard to hold your tongue.  

 How to deal with it: 

First, consider if there’s any kind of welfare concern when it comes to their horse. Everyone’s entitled to their opinion and to learn as they go along – and there’s certainly more than one way to do anything equine. However, if their actions are having serious adverse effects on their horse, it’s worth consulting your yard manager before taking further action. 

If the horse is happy and healthy, but you still don’t agree with the other owner’s methods, ask them whether they’d like some help or advice. If you don’t want to turn into a self-proclaimed expert, check with them before offering your opinion. It could be that they’re new to horse ownership and so might be grateful for some useful pointers. If they decline your offer, accept the situation while keeping an eye on the horse from afar. As the saying goes, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. Try to maintain a cordial relationship, whatever your views. 

Top tip

You’re never going to be best friends with everyone on the yard, but you have to get along with them, just as you would if you were at work, for example. Try to be smiley and friendly to everyone, and always say hello and goodbye when you arrive and leave to help maintain a happy atmosphere.

The freeloader 

Is there someone on the yard who turns into your best friend whenever they need something but then forgets you exist the rest of the time? Those types of people love asking for favours but never seem to be willing to give anything back in return. 

 How to deal with it: 

It’s always kind to help others on the yard whenever you can, but it’s no good saying yes time and time again if it’s causing you to become annoyed, as this will create more problems than it solves. 

Why not come up with an arrangement whereby this person can pay you back in some way, such as alternating who brings in the horses on weekdays? Ultimately, though, if the arrangement is doing your mental welfare more harm than good, there’s nothing wrong with saying no. Think of yourself first and if going out of your way for this person isn’t working for you, explain that, unfortunately, you won’t be able to help. It’s far better to tell this person how you feel in a calm way rather than bottling it up and allowing resentment to build. 

Agree to disagree

The best situation to be in at the yard is to have your close friends but to be liked by all as well. Often, calling someone out on their behaviour might feel like a relief at that particular moment, but the next day the tense atmosphere will be palpable and you’ll regret having done it. Being able to navigate potential conflicts diplomatically is a valuable skill and will make for a fun and happy yard all around – and that’s something worth more than its weight in gold!