Ten horsey things that confuse non-horsey people

Whether it’s the conviction with which you swear by your weather app or the disbelief that, with 20+ years of horsey experience you’re ‘still’ taking lessons – which of these do you recognise?

Whether it’s long-suffering parents or a partner who knows their place in the pecking order – the horsey world is a confusing place for outsiders. It’s not our fault that half of what we say sounds like a secret code… But it sure is fun watching people guessing what we mean or what a piece of equipment does.

The terminology

Despite being a dab-hand with Duolingo or flying through French lessons at school, many non-horsey people struggle with the horsey world’s lingo. ‘Jumps for fun’ is far less awkward to explain to your (male) manager than why your gelding is – uh – a gelding. And trying to dive into the technical points behind ‘good seat’ without boring the pants off your audience is a balance we haven’t figured out yet. (Let’s not mention the time one of us used the word grackle in a neck-and-neck game of Hangman with her non-horsey boyfriend…)

A horse’s fragility

Hands up if you’ve ever been met with an incredulous “what do you mean they can’t be sick?!” when you announce you’ve had no sleep due to colic watch. To the non-horsey eye, horses are big and powerful. So, when you break the news that your horse is on box rest again, it comes as a surprise that these tough-looking animals are way more fragile than they seem.

Lessons upon lessons

Yep, we do already know how to ride a horse, thanks. But we don’t know how to do it as well as we’d like. The idea of having regular lessons when you’re already quite proficient is a weird one. Especially if said non-horsey person is comparing it to learning to drive. (Even more confusing is that all these lessons don’t often result in red rosettes…)

Fly masks

“Why’s that horse wearing a blindf–” Actually, let’s not even go there. Sigh.

The weather obsession

While all your colleagues are thrilled with the early spring heatwave and despairing over the smallest cloud in the sky, you’re doing your best rain dance and making a (futile) attempt to explain why we need a week-long downpour. Yep, every Brit loves a bit of isn’t-this-funny-weather-we’re-having chat – but equestrians baffle with our meteorologist-level attention to detail and minute-by-minute knowledge of precipitation and temperature changes.

We don’t have buckets of money

Well, we could. It’s just all piled up on the muck-heap. (Or banging the stable door for dinner.)

What they see vs what we see

The non-horsey see a golf course with luscious rolling hills – we see the perfect place for a gallop. They see a fallen log in the woods – we see a cheeky opportunity for a mid-hack jump. They see an unexpected bonus as the perfect excuse for a holiday – we’ve already messaged that seller about their 15.2hh all-rounder…

Early mornings

For many members of the non-horsey community, six only appears once on the clock. But for us? It’s the perfect time of day. The roads are empty, the sun’s beginning to rise, and you can enjoy a peaceful ride before the world wakes up.

The love of it

We weather all kinds of weather. We battle on through heart-wrenching lows and stacks of small disappointments. We nurse our horses, our friends and ourselves through vet visits and broken dreams. We give up our social lives, our holidays and our savings. And we wouldn’t change a thing.

The love for the horse runs through our veins – and that’s a tricky one to explain to the uninitiated.