Is unsolicited advice a help or hindrance when it comes to your horse

“Did you know that if you…” or, “have you tried these…” – sentences that are dreaded by a large proportion of horse owners and riders, yet they’re phrases we’ve all heard, and probably even offered, at some point. You’re interrupted by someone – maybe a good friend or fellow livery, but sometimes a total stranger – who dishes out well-meaning advice without it being requested. How do you handle it?

Receiving advice

“Dignity, always dignity” – this motto was made famous in the film Singing in the Rain when two struggling actors were working their way through the ranks, with people regularly commenting on what they were doing, putting them down and rejecting them. Riding’s arguably just as hard an endeavour and we all inevitably go through struggles and difficult periods of our own. However, when someone has some advice to offer, “dignity, always dignity” is a good phrase to come back to when you’re pondering your response.

On receiving a suggestion, take a breath or pause before reacting. Remind yourself that the comment’s coming from a good place and, truthfully, if it’s not, the person doesn’t deserve your time or energy. Sometimes, it can be handy to have some pre-prepared responses you can fall back on, too. How about “you may be right” as a generic, non-confrontational response. Alternatively, “thank you, I’ll consider that”, or “interesting, thank you” would do the trick. Or even just agree or smile – then ignore and do your own thing.

Top tip

Many people offer advice to their friends because they’re trying to support them but aren’t sure of the best way to go about it. If you’re needing to vent and aren’t yet ready for suggestions, let your friends know – it’ll ease the pressure on them if they know that you’re not looking to them for answers!

Choose carefully

An important lesson to learn is that just because someone’s more experienced or successful than you, it doesn’t automatically mean they’re right. This is the same for the person who’s never short of an opinion – louder doesn’t necessarily mean better.

Model and influencer, Eleanor Calder, who’s had her fair share of online abuse said: “If you have a problem with me, call me. If you don’t have my number, then that means you don’t know me well enough to have a problem.” It’s a good starting point with unsolicited advice – not just the online variety.

Top tip

If you don’t feel someone’s advice has come from a good place, or you don’t feel the suggestion’s helpful or well-researched, the beauty of the situation is that you don’t have to follow up on every suggestion.

Beware the keyboard warrior

Sadly, social media has unleashed a herd of people who can safely voice their opinions, sometimes anonymously, which can be tough to be on the receiving end of. Ignore and delete is always a sensible choice – even not reading them could be an option. However, anyone putting themselves out there on social media has to accept that people may well make comments.

Find out what else you should keep in mind when receiving or even offering advice yourself, in the latest copy of Horse&Rider February on sale 27 January 2022