Feeling lonely?

For the most part, the equine world is a pretty social one – there’s competing, busy yards and group clinics filling calendars – but that’s not always the case. While loneliness is something that’s rarely talked about, there are always options if you’re struggling to connect. Whether you’re hoping for some extra support in your training, to make friends you can ride with or even free up time for some non-horsey social outings, there’s plenty you can do so you don’t feel so alone. To shed some light on the subject, H&R has pinpointed four common scenarios that may cause you to feel a little isolated in your horsey life, and we’ve shared some solutions that can lead to more frequent human connection, too.

Nowhere to turn

The problem: “I’m struggling with my horse’s training. I’m too embarrassed to admit to anyone that I’m having trouble, but I can tell the other liveries are judging me when my horse plays up. I don’t know what to do.”

The solution: We all have difficulties with our horses from time to time, and admitting you need help is nothing to be ashamed of – and it’s the right thing to do by your horse as well as you! Here are some places to start… 

• get him checked over by a professional To rule out pain as the cause, the first port of call should always be your vet, physio and saddle fitter. Having a professional support team behind you will help you rest easy that you’re getting the best advice and start to give you clear steps forward that you can confidently follow
• book some lessons Once your horse has been given the all-clear, enlist the help of a qualified riding instructor to help you. Being supported by someone knowledgeable, trustworthy and, importantly, non-judgemental will help quickly reignite your enjoyment and sense of achievement
• talk about it It may be tempting to put on a brave face at the yard, but don’t suffer in silence. It can help to vent your feelings to a trustworthy yard mate, talk to a horsey friend on the phone or chat with someone online who’s gone through something similar. You might be surprised at how many others are feeling the same way 

On another level

The problem: “The other liveries at my yard are great to chat to, but when it comes to riding, nobody wants to do the same things as me. Whether I’m training, jumping, hacking or competing, I’m always taking my horse out by myself –  they think I’m mad for wanting to go for a gallop on a hack! It’d be nice to have someone to ride with who has the same idea of fun.” 

The solution: It can make you feel disconnected, and in some cases even cause jealousy and resentment among friends, when you have vastly differing riding abilities and ambitions. Safe to say, it can gradually take fun away when you’re always having to go it alone. Here are some things to try… 

• ask a friend to play the groom If you’ve got a big outing with your horse in the diary, why not ask a friend if they’ll come along and support you on foot? Even if they’re not riding at the same level, it’s lovely to have company in the horsebox, a friend to calm your nerves and someone to share your success with. Don’t forget to offer to repay the favour, too!
• co-ordinate your horse’s routine Your horse doesn’t need to be go-go-go all week long. So, as downtime after a more intense session, for example, why not offer to go for a more gentle hack with a fellow livery you wouldn’t normally ride with? Maybe you could act as a lead for their young horse, or help them overcome their confidence blips? That way, you get to make a new friend and your horses will benefit, too
• attend training camps and clinics Group clinics and stay-away activities are great ways to push you out of your social bubble and interact with new, like–minded people. If you can be brave enough to go solo, you’ll be put into groups based on your riding ability, so you’ll find you’re relating much more to the people around you

Top tip

Make sure you choose your confidants wisely. Pick a friend who has your best interests at heart and won’t tell others what you’ve said, or talk to your riding instructor, who will give you sound advice.  

On the sidelines

The problem: “My horse has been out of work for a long time. I’ve completely lost my mojo and watching my horsey friends going out and having fun without me is hard. I feel like nobody understands what I’m going through.”  

The solution:Having a horse on box rest can be draining on time, energy and emotions. The key is to find joy in the little things and keep looking for a light at the end of the tunnel. Here are some ideas to help keep your spirits up… 

• get your riding fix elsewhere It may feel like a betrayal at first, but riding different horses for a while could be just what you need to get your motivation back. Keeping your fitness up and continuing to progress in what you love will help you feel the sense of enjoyment or achievement you’ve been missing. You’ll also be ready to effectively restart your own horse’s training as soon as you’re able to
• have a break We all need downtime, and there’s no shame in that. It’s healthy to have other interests besides your horse so, while you can’t ride him, why not pursue some other passions further, or even find a new one? After all, making time for a happier you, even if that means paying someone to look after your horse for a couple of days while you take a short holiday, will bring more positive vibes all around    
• volunteer at events If you’re missing the community that you’d usually be involved with through riding, there are still ways you can feel part of the team out of the saddle. Dressage writing, jump judging or even volunteering at your local RDA can bring new social connections and keep you involved with the sport in a different way 

Top tip 

If you’re struggling with any mental health issues, there are plenty of places you can turn to. One of which is the charity Riders Minds, which has a number you can call for support. For more info, visit ridersminds.org

Home alone

The problem: “I’m lucky enough to have my two horses at home, but it’s just me on my own. It would be nice to have someone to hack with, and I miss that yard chit chat day-to-day.”

The solution: Keeping your horses at home sounds like the dream, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to feel lonely. Caring for two horses all by yourself with no support is a huge undertaking, so here are some ways to rekindle that sense of community…

• find a hacking buddy Having a friend to hack with may be the boost you need. You could look for a sharer for one of your horses if they’re rideable, ask for a hacking buddy on your local Facebook group or introduce yourself at a nearby livery yard. You never know how many potential new friends could be a short hack away!
• join a club Riding clubs are one of the best ways to meet like–minded people. Not only will you have loads of fun with your horse, but you’ll also have an invitation to regular get-togethers, the opportunity to compete on teams and to volunteer at events. It could be just the thing to get you out of your slump
• take on a livery or two If you have the space at home, it could be worth looking into bringing some liveries to your yard. This may not be the right move for everyone but having friendly faces around will give you that day-to-day banter you were missing, and a bit of extra support when you need a boost!

Top tip

If you’re considering bringing in some new people and ponies, make sure they’re going to be the right fit the best you can. Meet them a few times before you seal the deal and ask for references from their previous yards. 

In this together 

Horses are brilliant for our mental wellbeing on so many levels, but everything is more fun when you do it with friends! It’s normal to want social interaction, and we all need to support each other in this demanding sport that we love so much. Relationships with others can be make or break when it comes to enjoying and progressing with your horse, so don’t be afraid to reach out when you need to. A friendly face and some words of wisdom could be all you need to feel happier!