19 words and phrases that mean something completely different in the horse world

Stepping onto the yard often feels like slipping through a portal to another realm. Here, the rules of the outside world don’t really apply – yes, you can munch on a sandwich directly after picking out your horse’s feet without judgement, and having lengthy, one-sided conversations with a large four-legged beast is the norm. Back in the real world, though, can feel like you’re speaking in a completely different dialect that leaves your non-horsey friends baffled. Here are 19 examples of everyday words and phrases that take on a whole new meaning with a horse involved.

1. Lie in
In the human world: The luxury of staying in bed for as long as you so desire.
In the horse world: The luxury of staying in bed until approximately 7.15am, at which point you really should scurry off and feed your horse because he’s screaming for his breakfast by now.

2. Sit up!
In the human world: A common reprimand used to discourage someone from slouching in their seat.
In the horse world: The fruitless advice you give to a poor unfortunate who’s lost control of their horse. Said unfortunate will fall off the horse in 80% of cases.

3. Evening meal
In the human world: A delicious feast enjoyed at approximately 7pm, often surrounded by loved ones.
In the horse world: An assortment of different food groups including, but not limited to, a hunk of cheese, a grab bag of Doritos and half a carton of ice cream, all scavenged from the kitchen at about 9pm following a day at the yard.

4. Plastic bag
In the human world: A means to easily convey groceries from the supermarket to your home.
In the horse world: A literal monster from hell.

5. Mud
In the human world: The product of dirt plus rain and a deterrent from outdoor pursuits.
In the horse world: A minor inconvenience and basically a second skin for six months of the year.

6. Annual leave
In the human world: Precious time off work spent doing fun or relaxing things.
In the horse world: Precious time off work spent with the vet, physio, farrier and saddler.

7. Carrots
In the human world: An orange vegetable, which is the staple of many recipes.
In the horse world: A bribe.

8. Child
In the human world: A small, two-legged human.
In the horse world: A large, four-legged equine.

9. Diet plan
In the human world: Crafting carefully considered guidelines for your personal nutrition and sticking to them.
In the horse world: Crafting carefully considered guidelines for your horse’s nutrition, then giving him shedloads of treats for doing things like ‘not biting you’ and ‘existing’.

10. Rugs
In the human world: Something that adorns the floor of your home.
In the horse world: A vast collection of over 20 coats for your horse. You’ll also find yourself frequently checking the forecast and experiencing extreme anxiety about which one he should wear.

11. Girth
In the human world: How broad something is.
In the horse world: A lifeline.

12. Physical fitness
In the human world: An aspect of health and wellbeing often measured by how far a person can walk or run, or how much weight they can lift.
In the horse world: An aspect of health and wellbeing often measured by how many stables a person can muck out without collapsing, or how fast they can run after a horse who’s evading capture.

13. Dressage
In the human world: Pretty horse dancing
In the horse world: A twisted game of memory skills, feigning control and covering up spooks at flower pots – which are sabotage, by the way.

14. Wheelbarrow
In the human world: A handy tool for garden maintenance.
In the horse world: A place to put poop.

15. Car
In the human world: An automated vehicle that gets you from A to B.
In the horse world: A place to store tack, two to three changes of clothes, all the rosettes you’ve ever won, half the rugs your horse owns and a year’s supply of feed.

16. Shoes
In the human world: Clothes for your feet.
In the horse world: Curved iron bars you pay to have attached to your horse’s feet every six weeks, which are promptly lost in the field. Unrelated: the last time you bought a new pair of shoes for yourself was in 1987.

17. Feeling fresh
In the human world: Waking up revitalised and ready for the day.
In the horse world: A term usually applied to a horse who isn’t a fan of keeping more than two feet on the ground today.

18. Polo
In the human world: A breath-freshening mint with a hole in the middle.
In the horse world: A breath-freshening mint with a hole in the middle – exclusively for equine consumption.

19. The love of your life
In the human world: A beloved human partner you want to spend every minute with.
In the horse world: A beloved equine partner you actually do spend every minute with.