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Your mind might spend the day racing at a competition, but have you ever wondered what runs through your horse’s head when it’s time to perform? Here’s what we think he’s musing on at a one-day-event
- What’s this? Is that my person? I think this has to be the first time ever she’s been early for breakfast. Unless…
- Hell’s bells, she’s got a needle and thread! I should have known plaits were on the cards when she tried to pull my mane last week. Well, she can chase me for a few laps of the stable before she gets going.
- Ahh, travel boots. Give me a second, I need to remember how to walk.
- The ramp’s down. Haynet waiting in the lorry. The question remains: should I mess with her and refuse to get on it at first for absolutely no reason whatsoever?
- Heavens, I’ve just realised – I’m plaited up. And in the lorry. Too late to back out now, we’re on the road! Please don’t be dressage, please don’t be dressage.
- OH, THANK GOD IT’S EVENTING.
- This place is grass as far as the eye can see! Darn this leadrope, why has she tied me up so short? If I could just reach…
- Yes! The twine’s snapped. I wonder if my human would mind if I did a lap of the lorry park?
- I should probably let her catch me, it’s been 20 minutes. At least she’s warmed up now.
- Do we have to do the dressage phase? Everyone else is having fun over jumps!
- Ugh, looks like we’re entering at A.
- This is so boring.
- Go ahead, let your reins out for a free walk. See what happens.
- FINALLY, halt and salute.
- Okay, I’m definitely ready to jump now. Hold on, why are we going back to the lorry?
- At least there’s my haynet.
- Ooh the boots are going on! Let’s get to that warm-up!
- Oh my, this is chaos. Why’s everyone in such a rush? Should I jog? I think I’ll jog.
- Oi, pea brain, time’s a-ticking. Can we jump something now?
- Okay, okay, I know I took that fence a bit fast but did you really need to announce it to the entire collecting ring, human? Honestly, talk about amateur hour.
- Into the ring we go. I really hope you walked the course this time because we both know what happens when you forget to steer.
- Hmm that was an interesting distance. Here’s an idea, why don’t you leave the next ones to me?
- I don’t like the look of this oxer, let’s give it an extra foot for laugh. Hold on.
- For the love of God, if you’re going to take corners like that put studs in!
- Is that it? Right, well I’m thoroughly loosened up and ready for cross-country now. Bring it on!
- Back to the lorry AGAIN?! What is it with humans and waiting?
- Yeah, you put those studs in, love. It’s not like I would’ve appreciated them TWO PHASES AGO.
- Why couldn’t you have made up your mind on plaits before we left? Now I’ve got to go around looking like I’ve had some kind of low-rent perm.
- Actually, you know what? Just for that I’m going to dither while you try and get back on.
- Cross-country warm-up! My favourite. You give me a direction and I’ll gallop in it.
- Oh, come on. I really don’t think there’s any point in asking me for an outline.
- God, I love the start box. I feel like a racehorse.
- LET’S GOOOOOOOO.
- I don’t know about you but I’m absolutely LOVING this!
- No, don’t half-halt! I’ll just take this rolltop on a flier.
- WHEEEEEEEEE!
- Erm, you didn’t say there would be a coffin. You know how I feel about ditches!
- You know what, I have to respect the way you handled my attempt to run out there.
- Does it matter if we took out the flag? Asking for a friend.
- If you want me to jump into the water here then I reserve the right to cat leap.
- I’ve always said stirrups were overrated. Well sat, though.
- Who makes the second to last fence a pair of brush skinnies? Honestly.
- Aaaand through the flags! Well, we definitely won’t have any penalties for being over the time.
- Thanks for all the pats but seriously, thank you. That was a blast!
- A whole packet of mints? Pour moi?
- Yes, I am incredibly thirsty. No, I won’t drink until we’re home.
- If you want to use it up, though, feel free to pour another bucket all over me.
- No mucking about, get that ramp down and get me home to bed.
- Excuse me? Yeah, while you were making my dinner I drained the bucket in my stable. Refill, please.
- Yessss, double portions! Thanks, human!